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B-
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Little Deaths
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Semen is the glue that binds the three shorts in Little Deaths.
Posted Sep 13, 2023
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A-
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The Cabin in the Woods
(2011)
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Gregg Katzman
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The Cabin in the Woods manages to throw the horror and comedy genres into a blender, and the result is a delicious product that's ridiculously fun and warrants watching at least once.
Posted Jan 08, 2013
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John Carter
(2012)
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Gregg Katzman
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Director Andrew Stanton said he hoped to create a timeless adventure, and I wholeheartedly believe the man has succeeded.
Posted Mar 05, 2012
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B
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Silent House
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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By minute 75 of this 86 minute film I actually muttered, "that's it" and put my hands over my eyes.
Posted Feb 22, 2012
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B+
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The Secret World of Arrietty
(2010)
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Jordan Hoffman
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[A]n enjoyable and creative little film that may have you checking under the bed next time you hear something go bump in the night
Posted Feb 17, 2012
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D+
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Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Yeah, crazy Nic Cage pisses fire, but only for a second and in someone's imagination, a great indication that even the characters in this film are dreaming of something better.
Posted Feb 17, 2012
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A-
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50/50
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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...what makes this "chuckles n' chemo" film so watchable is that it is, at its core, a fish out of water tale.
Posted Sep 29, 2011
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C
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Moneyball
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Moneyball is one of the few movies to leave me thinking "that should have been a segment of This American Life."
Posted Sep 21, 2011
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B+
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Drive
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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All right, first: everybody calm down. Drive is good, it's very good...but for me it lacks the emotional heft to elevate it from "gem" to "masterpiece."
Posted Sep 15, 2011
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B
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Warrior
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Subtle it ain't.
Posted Sep 09, 2011
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A-
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Contagion
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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If you're the type of person who finds the opening credits montage the most frightening aspect of Romero's original Dawn of the Dead, you will absolutely lose your mind during Contagion.
Posted Sep 09, 2011
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B
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The Debt
(2010)
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Jordan Hoffman
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So The Debt, much like the State of Israel, has some existential problems. So much of it is good, however, that it is easy to ignore some misguided steps.
Posted Sep 02, 2011
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C
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Colombiana
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Put Zoe Saldana in a catsuit and have her slithering around air conditioning ducts while techno music pumps and, basically, you've most of my attention.
Posted Aug 26, 2011
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B-
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Don't Be Afraid of the Dark
(2010)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Bound to get lodged somewhere deep in your mind as "oh, heck, what was the name of that movie with the girl and the monsters? That one wasn't half bad."
Posted Aug 23, 2011
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B-
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Bellflower
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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For an independent production made for very little money, Bellflower is an achievement, and will definitely find an audience with badasses, drunkards and dropouts.
Posted Aug 19, 2011
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C-
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Fright Night
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Back in my day, when we were certain the new, odd neighbor was a vampire we'd spend the bulk of the second act in knots because nobody, nobody, would believe us.
Posted Aug 19, 2011
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B
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30 Minutes or Less
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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It is about as deep as a Wile E. Coyote and Roadrunner cartoon, but it has the right maniacal edge to keep you laughing along.
Posted Aug 05, 2011
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A
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Rise of the Planet of the Apes
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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This movie has a brain in its head. It's in the script, it's in the pacing and, heaven knows, it is there in the technology.
Posted Aug 04, 2011
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B-
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The Smurfs
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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I will not go so far as to call The Smurfs subversive, but it is surprisingly sophisticated.
Posted Jul 28, 2011
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A-
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Batman Year One
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Marital infidelity, child prostitution and civic corruption are bluntly (although tastefully) displayed - it just so happens that there's also a guy zipping around town in a bat suit.
Posted Jul 27, 2011
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C
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Cowboys & Aliens
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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I love westerns, I love sci-fi and, by and large, I love genre mash-ups. And I still didn't like Cowboys & Aliens.
Posted Jul 27, 2011
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The Future
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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While I am not absolutely in love with this picture, I very much recommend it to anyone looking for something new from an assured and gifted talent.
Posted Jul 25, 2011
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B-
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Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Harry Potter, yeah, it's not bad.
Posted Jul 15, 2011
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B+
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Horrible Bosses
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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a crowd-pleaser
Posted Jul 11, 2011
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C-
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Transformers: Dark of the Moon
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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[a] hot mess.
Posted Jun 28, 2011
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B+
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Conan O'Brien Can't Stop
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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We've seen booze, dope and gambling chew up a man before, but never vaudevillian song-and-dance routines.
Posted Jun 22, 2011
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C
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Bad Teacher
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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An amusing but wholly forgettable assemblage of scenes, some very funny, others thankfully brief, that you should absolutely catch bits of when it is on cable.
Posted Jun 22, 2011
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C-
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Cars 2
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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This isn't an animated film, this is a cartoon.
Posted Jun 21, 2011
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A-
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Green Lantern
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Green Lantern is, more so than most, an accurate representation of [the comic book] artform: brisk, enjoyable and, like a 30-page single issue, ephemeral.
Posted Jun 15, 2011
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B+
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Viva Riva!
(2010)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Viva Riva makes good use of this richness, the ferocity of its characters and also dazzles the camera with a great number of very sensual lovemaking scenes.
Posted Jun 02, 2011
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B-
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Super 8
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Super 8 is a noble effort that gets a lot right, and a lot wrong.
Posted Jun 01, 2011
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A-
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X-Men: First Class
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Matthew Vaughn's new inspired-by-canon film takes L'essence du X and seals it in a petri dish with cells from 1960s adventure pictures.
Posted Jun 01, 2011
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D
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The Hangover Part II
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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There's no simply no way to connect with this film on a story basis.
Posted May 25, 2011
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A-
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The Tree of Life
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Tree of Life belongs in a Loews multiplex about as much as it belongs in a museum, or projected at a site-specific artist's installation
Posted May 17, 2011
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B-
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Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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On Stranger Tides is good "for a Pirates film."
Posted May 15, 2011
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A-
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Priest
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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...society is protected by a band of licensed-to-kill clergy who power up with prayer and shoot cross-shaped ninja stars.
Posted May 13, 2011
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B+
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True Legend
(2010)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Ostensibly set in the 1860s at the end of the Qing Dynasty, the opening battle looks more like Middle Earth than anything from history.
Posted May 09, 2011
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B+
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Thor
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Thor is a giddy value-sized bag of popcorn, and it will delight genre fans, though its charms aren't quite oversized enough to provide cover for all of its script and character problems.
Posted May 04, 2011
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A-
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The Guard
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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We're never quite sure if our hero is the smartest man in the room, or a disgusting racist with a Clouseau-esque knack for careening into victory.
Posted Apr 29, 2011
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A-
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13 Assassins
(2010)
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Jordan Hoffman
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If you like movies where tension mounts behind stern scowls and muted cries for justice until the very screen explodes with ballistic force, Takashi Miike's 13 Assassins is for you.
Posted Apr 27, 2011
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B
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Fast Five
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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For seeing gigantic men beat the hell out of one another and for leering at sexed-up hotties zipping around on scooters you'll be hard pressed to find any film that's its equal - until Fast Six.
Posted Apr 27, 2011
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C+
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The Trip
(2010)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Imagine Winterbottom's previous film 9 Songs but instead of rock concerts and NC-17 sex there's seared scallops and impersonations of Michael Caine.
Posted Apr 25, 2011
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B
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Pom Wonderful Presents: The Greatest Movie Ever Sold
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Spurlock's desire to make his kakmaime scheme work transforms him from a snarkier-than-thou, Harpers Magazine-friendly trickster into an earnest man trying to nail a business deal. And he gives great meeting!
Posted Apr 22, 2011
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B
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Scream 4
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Scream 4 never meta horror scenario it didn't like.
Posted Apr 13, 2011
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C+
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Hanna
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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When the beats and the color saturation fades, we're left with nothing but a very surface, very uninteresting story.
Posted Apr 11, 2011
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B+
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Your Highness
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Like a joint rolled with graph paper
Posted Apr 11, 2011
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D+
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Sucker Punch
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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How could a movie with giant samurai, interplanetary robots, undead WWI soldiers, dragons and 5 half-naked beauties be bad? Well, funny you asked.
Posted Mar 25, 2011
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B
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The Beaver
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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A perfect match of artist and repertoire.
Posted Mar 17, 2011
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D
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Insidious
(2010)
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Jordan Hoffman
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Looking up the word Insidious in the dictionary is a more fulfilling experience than seeing the movie Insidious.
Posted Mar 14, 2011
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B
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The Innkeepers
(2011)
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Jordan Hoffman
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The Innkeepers an enjoyable enough experience to counterweigh the fact that it is ultimately a fruitless, disappointing venture from a story perspective.
Posted Mar 14, 2011
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